


What Could Have Been and What Was

by lizwontcry



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-12 03:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15986264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizwontcry/pseuds/lizwontcry
Summary: Throughout the years, Penny and Sheldon have been missing each other by a thread. They come and go and fall in and out of love without even realizing it. Maybe someday they'll get it right, or maybe they'll just be best friends forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! I haven't written these dudes in way too long, and I miss them. Since they're now married to other people (the wrong people, obvs), it gets harder and harder to see their love story disappear. So here is a new story that thankfully has been completed. I'll post a new chapter every day for 5 days. The chapters stand out for themselves and are not completely connected. But this is my Shenny love song and I hope you will enjoy it, as I've been writing it for months now and I want it to resonate. As always, kudos and comments are welcomed and appreciated! Thank you for reading!

Penny is slightly annoyed that she gets stuck with the task of taking Sheldon shopping on one of her treasured days off, but whatever, what else does she have to do? Leonard is working and everyone else actually has a life, so she sucks it up and takes her tall Chewbacca friend to the mall. Sheldon complains the whole time, of course--it's too crowded, the line at Auntie Anne's is too long, everything is "too" something. 

"Come on, Sheldon, keep your eye on the prize," Penny says while leading him to the men's section of Macy's. She knows what will look good on him, even if he doesn't.

"And what is the prize, exactly? A new suit that I will probably hate?"

Penny sighs. "Honey, this is for _you._ It's your big night, and don't you want to look good for everyone?"

"I couldn't care less how I look in front of everyone," Sheldon replies, and Penny knows that's probably true. 

"Look, if you cooperate here, I'll take you to the train store after we find a suit."

Sheldon's eyes light up like it's Christmas morning.

"Wow, really? I've been trying to get Leonard to take me for weeks!"

"Yes, I'll take you, and we can stay as long as you want. But getting the right suit is important, and looking good when you accept your award is, too."

Sheldon clearly doesn't agree, but he begrudgingly follows her to the suit section without any more complaining. 

When he first comes out in that awful checkered suit and says, "This is pretty sharp," Penny says, "No, you're wrong." Then he tries on that... green rodeo monstrosity and Penny shakes her head furiously. The white tails are just as bad. Penny's ready to give up and sell him to a pack of llamas when she gets the shock of her life.

Sheldon exits the dressing room in the black suit Penny picked out for him. He looks so handsome that Penny actually gasps. Sheldon is an attractive man! Who would have thought? For a second, she sees past all the video games and comic book shirts and the condescension that is his vocabulary and realizes that Sheldon is a man, not a boy, and that he is a good looking--dare she say hot--one at that. 

This. Changes. Everything.

At the banquet, Penny can tell that Sheldon is nervous, so she gives him some wine. A lot of wine. Hey, it always works for her! Well, it backfires and he makes an ass of himself, but that was bound to happen anyway. Penny does not take the blame for how the evening ended. 

While Sheldon deals with his humiliation--which he gets over quickly because he is a genius who will win the Nobel prize someday despite the stupid things he does occasionally--Penny is busy trying to navigate her rocky relationship. She can tell Leonard is less than a week or two away from declaring his love for her, and she's just not ready. Look, she likes the guy a lot, she's having fun with him, they have a great time together, so why make it anything more than that for now? What does he even want from her?!

Penny is right, of course, and Leonard tells her he loves her. She can't, and won't, say it back. There's another reason why, and it's hard for her to admit, but... she is kind of falling for Sheldon. 

Ever since they went shopping together, Penny knows his secret--he's hot. And she's been paying extra close attention to him lately. He's funny--yes, he's obnoxious, condescending, annoying, and everything else she's always thought about him, but he's also an amazing friend. A good person. So smart and knowledgeable about everything she's not. Penny bets she can teach him a few things. Hopefully he's ready to learn.

Predictably, and with the sage advice of Wil Wheaton, Penny and Leonard break up after a disastrous night at the bowling alley. They both take their time to grieve the loss, but Penny isn't all that torn up about it. In fact, now she has a secret, too--not only is Sheldon hot, but he's hot _for her._

It starts just a few weeks after Penny and Leonard's break-up. There's a set of knocks at her door, and she can't help but feel a little excited about Sheldon showing up at her apartment for no reason.

Knock knock knock PENNY

Knock Knock Knock PENNY

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK PENNY

Penny answers the door with a smile on her face.

"To what do I owe the pleasure this evening?" She asks him as he comes in and sits down.

"Um, well, Leonard is working today and I'm in between projects. I was wondering if maybe you'd like to start watching Farscape with me. I have all the DVDs and I--well, I think it's a show that you would enjoy. I've been told the main character is 'hot.' Would you like to watch it?"

"Sounds like a good plan," Penny says, mystified. Sheldon is in her apartment, and he's kind of stuttering, and he wants to watch something with her? Well, that's weird. And exciting.

Sheldon puts the DVD in and Penny makes some popcorn. She gets out her bottle of wine, and then shoves it back in the refrigerator--she's pretty sure Sheldon is not a fan of wine after his ordeal when accepting the award recently. She brings over the popcorn and some Diet Cokes and puts them on the table, and then turns off the light. Things are just more interesting when the light is off, Penny figures. And for the next couple of hours, the two of them sit mesmerized by this TV show, and Sheldon was right, Penny does like it. She likes sitting so closely to him even more.

When it's nearly midnight and the third episode ends, Sheldon presses "pause" on the DVD player and turns to Penny.

"We can continue watching tomorrow, but I must get my rest tonight. Do you like the program?"

"Yeah, I can't wait to see what happens next," Penny says. And she doesn't just mean on the show.

For the next couple of weeks, Sheldon shows up at Penny's apartment almost daily. They sit close to each other and watch Farscape, or they share a meal she brings home from the Cheesecake  
Factory, or they literally just talk. For hours. Something is happening, and it's fascinating to Penny. Most of the time when a man likes her and wants to pursue something, he will make a move or give her a cheesy pick-up line. Sheldon isn't like that, which Penny knows and appreciates, but some kind of indication that he has feelings for her would be nice, too. They are moving at a glacial pace.

Finally, FINALLY, when they are almost to the end of the series, Sheldon pauses the show in the middle of an episode and says, "Penny, I have a question. I don't often have questions for others since I already know the answer to most things, but I'm afraid this one is stumping me."

Penny hopes this is going where she is desperate for it to go. "Okay, lay it on me."

Sheldon looks briefly confused by her wording, but continues forward. "I was wondering if tonight could be the night we kiss for the first time. I feel that our relationship has come naturally to this point. But I do not know if you wish to engage in that activity with me."

Penny wants to laugh at how sincere he is, but she knows this is a big step for him. And apparently he thinks what they've been doing is "dating" for the past couple of weeks. She's definitely not going to correct him.

"Yes, that sounds like a good idea, let's definitely do that," Penny says. 

Sheldon leans in and she meets his lips. Penny knows that he doesn't have much experience in this kind of situation, but... he figures it out. They start out slow, and Penny kind of guides him through the process, and soon, they are fully making out. It's good. It's actually really good. Penny doesn't want to stop. Like, ever.

Eventually, they do stop, because they have to breathe in air or whatever. Before they go at it again, Penny and Sheldon hold hands and have an honest conversation about what is happening.

They didn't ignore it or run away or try to put a stop to it in order to spare Leonard's feelings. They are adults and they can be rational when it comes to falling in love, which they both seem to think is occurring. 

The two of them go on dates together--to restaurants, to museums, to movies. There is a steady stream of phone calls and texts and emails daily. After they've been seeing each other (and kissing whenever possible) for a month, they tell Leonard about their situation. Of course he is upset at first--he even threatens to move out--but when things calm down and he sees how in love they are, he backs off. He's actually happy for them, because he witnesses that Penny and Sheldon are truly compatible. They never stop teaching each other, and they are always learning something new. All their friends are elated for them, and after dating for nearly two years, Sheldon proposes to Penny on her birthday. She happily accepts, and they go on to live a very happy life together.

Except...

That didn't happen.

It _never_ happened.

Penny and Leonard _did_ break up, but it was only temporary. They get back together on and off until they finally make the questionable decision to get married. Sheldon meets Amy Farrah Fowler a short time later and they eventually get married, as well. They are all reasonably happy, probably...

But sometimes both Penny and Sheldon wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what they're missing. Penny remembers the night she first thought of Sheldon as a man, and how good he looked in that suit. And Sheldon recalls how Penny gazed at him in that suit, a look that he has rarely seen from any woman other than Amy, and how it made him feel.

But it didn't happen. 

But maybe it could have.


	2. Chapter 2

Penny is in the mood to burn the world down. She's ready to set fire to her own relationship and everyone else's relationships, too, while she's at it. Slash and burn, destroy everything. Why not? It's what she wants... hell, it's what she deserves, and it's all for one person. One human being she barely even tolerated at one point in her life, to be exact. She's ready to fuck it all up. For him. For Sheldon Effing Cooper.

It happened almost overnight, it seems. One day, she and Leonard were hanging out with Sheldon and Amy as usual, but a strange dynamic had taken over the evening. Maybe it was all in Penny's head, but she noticed that Sheldon seemed to be spending an _unusual_ amount of time talking to Penny instead of his own girlfriend, while Leonard happily talked Amy's ear off about his latest project, something to do with lasers and... other stuff Penny wasn't paying attention to. Amy was engaged in the conversation but kept looking over to see if Penny and Sheldon were still talking, and seemed more and more annoyed when indeed they were. It was kind of a bizarre dynamic and Penny was glad when Sheldon and Amy left that night, but there was still some kind of lingering feeling Penny had about Sheldon that she couldn't shake off. She even dreamed about him for a few days afterwards. Maybe her subconscious realized something she did not--she and Sheldon have more in common than they do with their respective partners.

This realization eats at her for weeks until she can no longer shove it into the back of her mind. And before Penny can figure out what is happening, boom, she wakes up in love with her best friend. Which is unfortunate, since Sheldon is engaged to Amy and Penny is, well, married. To Leonard. Yeah, she loves the guy and all but their relationship has gotten so... stale. They never go out anymore or do much of anything other than sit on the couch and watch Game of Thrones or whatever else Leonard is obsessing about that particular week. Penny sometimes wants to scream, she's so bored. They're still young, why can't they act like it every now and then? 

This overwhelming feeling takes over Penny's life and at least makes it a little more interesting. Whenever Sheldon's around, she feels a certain kind of intensity she hasn't felt since she had crushes on boys in high school. Sheldon! Sheldon, who still wears superhero t-shirts in his late thirties. He is definitely not her type, and yet now... she's starting to think he's more her type than Leonard. Penny thought she left this kind of impulsiveness behind when she got married. This is dangerous, and yet she can't stop obsessing over Sheldon. She wants to do something about it, but what can she possibly do? At the very least, she wants Sheldon to acknowledge her growing feelings for him. It doesn't really make sense, and Penny is confused, but with every passing day she's more and more convinced that she's going to do something about it. She doesn't even consider the ramifications of such a confession, or what will happen afterwards. All she knows is that it's inevitable.

*****

It's a warm night in Pasadena, and even with the air conditioning on and a fan pointed at her, Penny is hot. Leonard isn't home and Penny is supremely bored. She also can't help but think about what her neighbor across the hall is doing.

It's been a few weeks since Penny started this strange infatuation, a few weeks of doing everything she could think of to make Sheldon come to the conclusion he was in love with her, too. All without alerting Leonard to her changing feelings towards him and not breaking Amy's heart in the process, as well. But she's thought about it. Thought about it, pondered, wondered, wished, dreamed, and thought about it more. More than that, she's been experimenting. Like... she'll say something flirtatious to Sheldon to see how he'll react. Or she'll touch his arm for no reason to see if he notices. She finds herself looking at Facebook way too much to see if he's online and wondering if he'll send her a random message like he does sometimes. The experiments don't turn up any useful information but they do reveal that Sheldon has no clue that anything between them has changed. This frustrates her, even though she knows it's not fair to him. He's Sheldon! Even if he did know she had a sudden ill-advised crush on him, he still wouldn't know what to do about it. Penny respects the fact that he's different than all the other guys she's been with, and that he isn't going to instantly melt at the feel of her touch. But... no matter how wrong it is, and it is wrong, of course--Penny does realize it's wrong--tonight, she's unable to talk herself out of making what will undoubtedly be a huge mistake. He has to know. She has to tell him. Like... right now. Penny justifies it by thinking that she owes it to Sheldon. Like, he always needs all the information, right? That's all Penny's doing. She's giving him all the facts so that he can come to his own conclusion. 

Penny marches across the hall and bangs on the door. She knows Amy isn't home because she heard her friend's big clown shoes marching out the door and through the hall an hour or so ago.  
She has no idea when Amy will be back, and right now--fueled by some liquid courage in the form of a bottle (or two, let's just be real) of California's best red wine, of course--she's on a mission.

Penny knocks on the door, probably a little harder than necessary, and says, "Sheldon! It's me. Answer the door!"

Sheldon opens the door and Penny strolls into her old apartment. She notices he's watching an old episode of Star Trek. Oh, he's so adorable with his science-fiction crap, Penny thinks to herself. Now she knows she's really got it bad--after all these years of being with Leonard and she still hates Star Trek more than anything he and Sheldon have subjected her to, so why does she find it so endearing now?

"Hello, Penny, to what do I owe this visit today?"

Penny smiles at him, her dear friend Sheldon. He is wearing his black Batman logo t-shirt. Even without her current state of mind, Penny has always thought he looks good in black. "I have something I want to tell you."

"Oh, is it that you 'borrowed' some of our milk again? I realize that, Penny, I do have eyes. Really, you should be able to obtain your own milk products."

"You're right, Sheldon. I will try really hard to buy my own milk next time."

Sheldon looks satisfied, if not surprised, by her swift agreement.

"Thank you. Now what is it that you'd like to say, since we've quickly cleared up the milk ordeal?"

Penny sits down on her old sofa. Sheldon doesn't move from the door he just closed. "Sit," Penny says, indicating the spot next to her. She can tell he wants to protest, but he reluctantly sits next to her. Part of her wants to scoot closer, put her hand on his arm, feel his warmth radiating from him, but this is Sheldon we're talking about here. She has to proceed cautiously.

"Moonpie, I have to confess something." She can tell Sheldon wants to object to the usage of his Meemaw's favorite nickname, so she quickly continues. "I'm going to just say it, I think it will be easier that way. I have been thinking about you lately. About _us._ And I've come to a conclusion."

Sheldon still has no idea what Penny is about to say, and the expression on his face doesn't change. "Have you used the Scientific Method to come to this conclusion?"

Penny, as usual, has no idea what he's talking about, but says, "Yes, of course," anyway. This seems to please Sheldon, as he nods thoughtfully.

"Fair enough. Do continue."

"I had this dream about you a few weeks ago. It was an innocent dream, but when I woke up, it made me rethink a few things about my life. Maybe I'm not as happy with Leonard as I had hoped to be, or something. I don't know. But, well, the point is..." Penny hesitates, but something makes her push through. "I think I may be in love with you."

There. She said it. Now what?

Sheldon doesn't know what to say or think, of course. For maybe the first time since she met him, Sheldon is actually speechless. Penny takes a chance and moves closer to him. He doesn't move away from her.

"I know that's kind of a shocking thing to say, but... I can't help it. I want you to know. And if maybe you want to do anything with that information..."

Sheldon takes his time to answer. "Penny. Thank you for sharing this with me. It's very interesting. But what would I, as you say, do with this information? There is simply nothing to be done."

Ouch. Well, obviously he's right, but maybe he could break it to her a little more gently? Nah, Penny thinks. She much prefer things not be sugar-coated in her presence.

"I disagree, actually," Penny continues, because she is still on a mission--there is still something to accomplish here. "If you feel the same way, we have options. I can get a divorce! You can break up with Amy. We can run away together. It would be fun! Come on, live a little, Sheldon!

Penny knows she sounds frantic and probably not just a little crazy, but she can't stop herself. Fortunately Sheldon knows her too well--almost better than anyone else on the planet--and he's not going to let her go down this way. Uncharacteristically, he takes Penny's hand, and she is instantly calmed by its warmth. His unwavering patience makes Penny even more convinced she's in love with him.

"Penny. I'm not entirely unsympathetic to what's happening here. Your hormones are reacting to the emptiness you feel in your marriage to Leonard. I myself am quite hesitant to marry Amy, but it's not because I am unhappy in our relationship, nor is it because I find myself wanting to be with you instead of her. It's merely because I do not strongly believe in the institution of marriage like Amy does, but I am willing to make the compromise for her."

The words sting, but Penny knows it's true. Her relationship is not what she wants it to be, and now she's taking it out on poor Sheldon.

Before Penny can protest, Sheldon grips her hand tighter. "Penny... can you actually see yourself in a relationship with me?"

This question takes her by surprise for some reason. She considers it. Sheldon, who has become her best friend, one of her most favorite people in the world. At first she thinks that yes, of course she wants to be in a relationship with him, but... well, he would be a challenge. She knows what he's like when he wakes up in the morning and it's not a pretty picture. He likes things done in a certain order, and she's a free spirit. A bathroom schedule is definitely not going to work for her. Plus that whole intimacy thing. Although her libido has waned a bit since she's gotten older, she still needs the physical part of the relationship she's so used to. Once a year would not satisfy her in any kind of real way. That's the part she forgot when she blindly "fell in love" with Sheldon.

Sheldon watches as Penny processes all these thoughts. He's not surprised that she hasn't said yes. So he adds, "Furthermore, are you even attracted to me?"

"Sometimes," Penny says, thinking about the time when they went suit shopping and he came out in the black suit looking surprisingly more handsome than she thought was possible. "But most of the time? No, I guess not. Why, are you attracted to me?" She couldn't help but ask.

"I wouldn't say no to that, of course," Sheldon says. "I've seen you naked and it definitely was not unpleasant. I'll even admit to having the occasional dream about you, but my subconscious is aware that you are an attractive, even beautiful woman, and it expects me to have a chemical reaction to your beauty. But I mostly just think of you as my good friend Penny, who is married to my best friend Leonard, and I do not have those thoughts. Let me clarify--I do not _let myself_ have those thoughts."

Penny accepts this. "That makes sense..."

"Of course it does. I understand what you're going through right now, but I believe once you have given some time to thinking about the ramifications and the reasons why this feeling became so powerful you had to tell me about it, you'll understand it's not practical. We are good friends, Penny, are we not?"

"Of course we are," Penny says automatically. "Best friends. And I want to keep it that way."

"Yes, I agree. When we first met I never thought I'd be able to make room for someone so different than me, until I got to know you and I realized we're not that much different, not really."

Penny knows what Sheldon means. They have similar family backgrounds, they get attached to people and things way too easily, and they both love Garth Brooks--although neither of them would readily admit that to anyone else.

"You're right. I'm sorry, Sheldon. I should have thought this one through before I came to you about it. It's just been kind of hard lately... Leonard is working a lot, and when he's home I don't really feel connected to him anymore. We're almost like strangers sometimes."

Sheldon nods. "Penny, I appreciate you coming to me with these feelings. I realize you have a lot to think about, but please don't underestimate your love for Leonard. I've witnessed your relationship from the beginning and I know it has its faults. But you two have something special. Don't discount it. 

Penny's not so sure about that, but she definitely has some decisions to make. 

"But if you do choose to end your relationship, I will support you completely. I hope you know that. And I hope you support my relationship with Amy."

Penny suddenly feels terrible about what she almost did to Amy. Oh, well, Amy never has to know. Somehow Penny will have to make it up to her without telling Amy why she's trying to make it up to her. Sounds like fun.

"Thanks, Sheldon. I'm so sorry about barging in like this. You are the best. You know I love you, right?"

Sheldon nods. "I suppose I have some feelings of love for you, too."

Penny grins. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and goes back to her apartment. She is going to have to spend some time thinking about what she wants to do with her life. Although she is not all that happy with Leonard, they _are_ married. She doesn't really want her marriage to fail. Sighing, she texts Leonard, _Lets talk 2nite._ A few minutes later, Leonard texts back, _Good idea, see you later_ , and she knows they'll have to have a serious chat. 

Meanwhile, she thinks about Sheldon and his black suit and his superhero t-shirts. And his remarkable patience and understanding. It's not going to happen, and that's probably a good thing. Maybe in an alternate universe, the two of them would be smokin' together. But in this one? Friends.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you okay?"

Penny looks away from the elated bride and groom and glances at Leonard in confusion. "Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you're crying..." Leonard says, a clear look of concern on his face. 

Penny opens her small purse and gets her trusty compact out. It's true--her eyeliner is a little runny and there are actual tears on her face.

"Oh, you know us girls, we get emotional at weddings," Penny says. Leonard nods and puts his arm around her, satisfied with the answer. They focus their attention back on Sheldon and   
Amy, who look so happy together, so relieved to finally be married, so excited to start their life together. 

Truthfully, Penny is _not_ the type of person who cries at weddings. She's been to a lot of 'em, and while she appreciates the sentiment, it doesn't make her feel anything but happiness for the couple in question. So why is she crying while she watches two of her best friends who have been dating since what seems like the dawn of time itself get married, especially when she was so pumped to watch it happen before the ceremony? Maybe she knows why, or maybe she doesn't--either way, she's been avoiding thinking about why her stomach hurts so bad and why all she wants to do is go home and sleep for days.

After the ceremony, Penny and Leonard chat with Mark Hamill about the new Han Solo movie and make polite small talk with Amy's family. Out of the corner of her eye, Penny watches Sheldon move around the room, accepting congratulations and even shaking some hands, which she knows he hates, but apparently he's making an exception tonight. For Amy. 

When the pictures have been taken and the cake is eaten and the guests start to file out, Penny excuses herself to go to the bathroom. She just needs a second to collect her thoughts, or, as usual, ignore them entirely. When she comes out, she swings the door open and almost walks directly into Sheldon.

"Oh, hi, sweetie. What are you doing by the women's restroom?"

"I was evacuating my bladder in the men's room, if you must know. And I wanted to find you first before we left. I saw that you were crying during the wedding and I wanted to check on you." 

"That's sweet," Penny says, touched that he noticed. "I'm glad you found me. It was a beautiful ceremony, Moonpie. I'm so happy for you guys." 

"Thank you, Penny, and I'll let the Moonpie slide just this once. Although I have never enjoyed watching two people join together with archaic words and vows, I have to admit that I now see   
the benefit of it. Plus, now we can file our taxes jointly."

Penny chuckles. "That's definitely one of the best aspects of marriage."

The two of them walk outside, away from the getaway car and the crowd of people who are undoubtedly waiting for Sheldon to take off with Amy. Penny knows she needs to let him go, but... she's not ready. 

They sit down on a bench outside and Sheldon says, "I know I don't usually say this kind of thing, but I wanted you to know that I look at you and Leonard's marriage as a template for my own. I know it's not always perfect, but you make it look it easy. In fact, you make everything look easy, Penny. It's what I've always admired about you."

Penny is close to tears and she _still_ doesn't know why.

"Thanks, sweetie. I know you and Amy are going to be so happy together. I just hope..." She can't seem to finish the sentence.

Raj, Howard and Bernadette push the door open and come outside. They spot Sheldon on the bench and all congratulate and hug the newly wedded groom. 

“Congrats, my dude,” Howard says, looking genuinely pleased for his friend. “You’re one of us now. One of us, one of us!”

“Yes, yes, I suppose I am,” Sheldon says congenially. Thank goodness this whole charade is almost over so he can go back to relentlessly mocking his friends and avoiding the general public,   
Penny thinks.

“I’m so jealous,” Raj says. “When will I find my own bride?”

“I hear Cinnamon’s available,” Bernadette says cheerfully.

“I would, but she’s too hairy,” Raj replies. Everyone groans.

“Well, we’re going to go and celebrate somewhere,” Howard says. “Do you and Amy want to stop by our house before your honeymoon begins? Bernie and I can give you some helpful tips on married life.”

“Use birth control at all times,” Bernadette says, and everyone knows she’s only half joking.

"Actually, our plane leaves in approximately two hours. We're going directly to the airport," Sheldon says.

"Aww, man," Raj says. "I guess you guys want to get started on that baby-making early, huh?"

Sheldon makes a face and everyone laughs.

"We'll see you later, you horn dog," Howard says, and before Sheldon can inquire into the exact nature of how taking a honeymoon equates him to a canine with an instrument, Howard adds,   
"Penny, you coming?"

"Yeah, Leonard and I will catch up with you guys later," Penny says. They all nod and head out to Howard's car, talking and laughing. 

Time is running out for Penny to tell Sheldon what she wants to say, but the problem is... she doesn't know what she wants to say. Sheldon is looking at his watch, and then back to her, like he wants to figure out how to bring this conversation to a close.

Penny grabs his hand, just to buy a second or two, and he looks up at her, confused once again.

"Did you ever think the two of us would end up together?" Penny finally says. She has no idea where that came from, but once she's said it, she realizes that's what has been bothering her this whole day. 

Sheldon clears his throat and looks slightly uncomfortable, and Penny wonders why in the world she's bringing this up on his one and only wedding day. What is her deal?!

But then he says, "It's interesting that you are asking this question, Penny. I never imagined we would stand before Mark Hamill for our nuptials. But I did think, once upon a time..."

Penny's heart beats a little bit faster as she waits for him to finish that sentence.

"Once upon a time..." Penny encourages him to finish the sentence. She knows in a minute or two, Amy is going to come look for her new husband and they'll be off to Switzerland and this conversation will be instantly forgotten. So she kind of needs an answer now.

Sheldon looks conflicted and Penny wants to tell him to forget it, but he finally speaks up. "Once upon a time I thought you would be my first real kiss. Before I was more involved with Amy, of course. I would dream about kissing you and I would wake up and think about it all morning. I merely wrote it off as a typical male urge and as you know, I pay no mind to those most of   
the time. But yes, I did often think about... the whole kissing thing."

Penny smiles. She is touched by this, although it doesn't really satisfy whatever she is having a hard time dealing with at the moment. 

"The kiss that could have been," Penny says.

"I suppose so," Sheldon replies. 

"I bet it would have been a good one."

"I'm absolutely positive it would have, but it was never to be. Leonard always had the market cornered on his love for you. There was never a chance for anyone else." Sheldon looks a bit wistful, and Penny's heart hurts. 

"Well, I love you, Shelly. I hope you two have fun in Switzerland. I know you'll be so happy together."

"That's the plan," Sheldon says, and before he can say anything else, Amy comes rushing outside and places herself firmly in Sheldon's arms. He squeezes her tightly, and Penny knows he's   
with the right girl. Leonard follows Amy, and Penny knows she's with the right guy. Probably. Most likely. 

"Come on, Hubby! We have to change before we go to the airport," Amy says. She hugs Penny and Leonard, and takes Sheldon by the hand.

"Wait," Sheldon says before Amy drags him away. He comes over to Penny and gives her a tight hug. Penny smiles again; it's a rare Sheldon hug, one she'll always remember.

"Love you too, by the way," he whispers, and then he and Amy are gone. Their marriage is just beginning, and they have a lifetime of happiness awaiting them. 

Penny watches them leave, and she knows what the problem is now. But there's nothing to be done. Everything is as it should be. 

"Let's go," she tells Leonard. "We're meeting everyone to celebrate."

"Cool," Leonard says, and they walk out. Penny wipes one last tear from her eye, and leaves the past in the past.

It would have been one hell of a kiss, though.


	4. Chapter 4

Sheldon stares at his whiteboard, willing the information to come to him. He's got a black marker in his hand, and he's ready to write something down. Write...something...down. Anything. Why can't he think of anything to write? He's a physicist, damn it!

Amy's car rumbles into the garage, and Sheldon's subconscious hears the garage door opening, Amy parking the car and turning it off, opening and closing the car door, and the garage door closing. He hears her open the door from the garage to the utility room, and then he hears her walk through the kitchen and put her keys on the kitchen table--which he has told her repeatedly that he wishes she put them anywhere else, but somehow she refuses to obey this one simple wish. He hears all this happening but doesn't react. He doesn't take his wife in his arms and drown her in kisses, because he has physics-block, and that's all he can think about. 

When Amy walks into the living room and sees Sheldon is in the middle of something he probably prefers she not interrupt, she frowns, but she gets it. He gets it, too, though--when Amy gets home from a long day, she needs a hug and a kiss and for him to listen to her talk about the day she just had. Sheldon knows this, and he at least always tries to listen patiently and attempt to care about the current drama in the lab. Ever since they moved into the (much too big) house in the hills of Malibu, they've had to make compromises. Leonard and Penny aren't around to distract them anymore. They really only have each other most of the time. Amy doesn't like to remind Sheldon that he promised to step it up as a husband, but sometimes he needs a gentle kick in the ass.

Sheldon appreciates that Amy doesn't ask him the obvious question, although he's sure it's right there on the tip of her tongue. Yes, he's still blocked, no, he hasn't accomplished anything today, and yes, he's frustrated about it. He wants to continue swimming in the abyss that is his failure to overcome the block, but he realizes his wife is home and it's time to snap out of it. It's not easy, but it's what he needs to do to keep the peace between them, which he really does want to do. Sometimes it's easy... sometimes it's harder.

He puts the marker down on the coffee table and walks over to Amy, who is checking the mail. She smiles as he embraces her and kisses her on the cheek.

"Hi. Long day?" Amy asks him. He nods, and that's that, at least for now. They start making dinner together--another compromise Sheldon has begrudgingly made--and Amy talks about her day. When Amy is done venting about working at the new lab in LA she joined a year ago, Sheldon begrudgingly admits that he is frustrated about his work. Amy makes a few suggestions that Sheldon pretends to consider but knows he won't pursue. She just doesn't get his work; it's not her fault, she doesn't work in the same field and Sheldon can't help that he is so more advanced in his process than she can understand.

After dinner and a sensible dessert, Amy and Sheldon sit down and watch Jurassic World. Sheldon tries to let go and enjoy the movie but can't help but think about all the inaccuracies and crazy mumbo jumbo happening before him. Although he usually does at least somewhat enjoy spending time with his wife, Sheldon can't stop fixating on the issues at hand with his work. He's about to give Amy some kind of excuse about needing to get back to his whiteboards when Amy's phone rings. When she grins at him and slips away to the bedroom to take the call, Sheldon knows it's either Penny or Bernadette on the other line. He kind of actually misses both the girls; he hasn't seen them in what seems like a long time. After making so much room in his life for Penny and her large existence, sometimes it seems like the air around him is emptier without her always coming in and out of the apartment, needing something from him or Leonard, giving Sheldon advise or just someone to talk to when he doesn't have anyone else.

Several minutes later, Amy comes out of the bedroom holding her phone. 

"How's Penny and/or Bernadette this evening?" Sheldon asks.

"Penny is good. She's coming over in an hour."

"Why?" Sheldon can't help but ask. He enjoys Penny's presence, of course, but it's a Wednesday night, for crying out loud. They both have work to do in the morning. This interruption in   
Sheldon's routine, especially when he's troubled with a project, is not welcome, even if Penny is.

"It's simple, really. You think better when Penny is around," Amy says. "I've seen it happen a number of times. A problem will stump you and you'll think about it for weeks, and then you talk   
it out with Penny. Suddenly you'll know the answer. That's why I called her, and why she agreed to come over." 

Sheldon doesn't know what to say. Obviously he can't argue with her because it's true--Penny does seem to help Sheldon's thought process along more than anyone else he knows. He's never put the pieces together this way before, but now he gets it. 

"Oh. Well, I do believe you're correct, Amy. Fair enough, I suppose."

The two of them sit back down to watch the rest of Jurassic World. Sheldon tries to gauge Amy's thoughts about the revelation of Penny always coming to Sheldon's creative rescue. As far as he can tell, she does not look particularly hurt or bothered by it. Maybe she's known for a long time, or maybe she's just not insecure about it. Whatever the case, Sheldon is grateful that she's been paying attention.

An hour later, the doorbell rings and Amy bounds over to the front door and lets Penny in.

"Hi, bestie! It is so good to see you!" Amy embraces Penny tightly, and Penny grunts while smiling at Sheldon, who is behind Amy watching this spectacle unfold.

"Hi guys!" Penny says. As soon as Amy releases her, Penny goes to Sheldon and he prepares himself for the inevitable hug. Her arms cling to him, and he appreciates that her familiar scent has stayed the same over the years. When she steps back to take a look at him, he notices that although she looks as jovial and spirited as usual, her eyes look a little puffy. He knows from experience that she's been crying, and he wonders why. It's not really any of his business, and actually he's kind of surprised that he noticed anyway. Women and their emotions are still a huge mystery to Sheldon, although he is becoming an expert on Amy's since their marriage began.

"Hello, Penny. It's a pleasure to see you, as always," Sheldon says, and Penny grins. Amy takes Penny into the kitchen and they chatter about the inane things Sheldon prefers to tune out. He checks Twitter on his phone and sends a DM to Neil Degrasse Tyson, which he is sure will be ignored once again but he'll keep trying until he gets an answer. He's persistent that way.

"Well, I'm going to the grocery store," Amy says, grabbing her purse from the couch she threw it on when she came inside the house. "You two chat a while, I'll be back later." 

She gives Sheldon a kiss on the cheek and suddenly, Amy is gone. Sheldon is a bit frazzled that this evening is turning out so differently than he'd planned. Any change in routine throws him off balance, and now Penny is here and Amy is gone. It's unsettling. 

"Would you like a cup of tea?" Sheldon immediately asks once the door has closed.

Penny looks confused. "Why would I need tea? I'm not sad, Sheldon!"

Sheldon knows that whatever is bothering Penny, she's not ready to talk about it. So he backs off.

"Fine. Would you like a bottle of water?"

"Sure," Penny replies. Sheldon retrieves two bottles of water from the refrigerator and hands it to her. While she takes a sip, he takes another look at her. Her hair is still long and blonde, her features are all still aesthetically pleasing, and her eyes are unmistakably swollen. 

"So, sweetie, come sit down with me," Penny says, and they go in the dining room. They sit across from each other at the big oak table Amy talked Sheldon into purchasing. 

"I hear you're having some problems with your work lately," Penny says.

Sheldon nods. "Yes, I've come across a problem with my research and I don't know how to get through it." He doesn't like to admit that he doesn't know something, but this is Penny. It's   
always felt like he can tell her anything.

"Okay, tell me about it," Penny says, her eyes sparkling. "I may not be able to understand it like you but I can at least get the basics."

Sheldon knows Penny is smarter than she appears, but he's not sure if she'll get this one.

"So recently a new form of matter has been discovered by scientists. It's called Excitonium. The team who discovered it has reached out to me to help them with the research. It's coming along nicely and I've helped quite a bit, but something has come up that is confounded me. They are using a new technique they've developed called momentum-resolved electron energy-loss spectroscop. With this, they were able to measure a plasmon, which no one has been able to even see before. It's quite a thrilling breakthrough; it's going to open the door to so many new quantum physics results and findings..."

Penny is hanging on his every word. "Okay, I'm mostly with you so far. What's the problem you're trying to solve?"

"So what they requested my help with is metal-insulator transition in band solids, in which exciton condensation is believed to play a part. I wrote a paper a few years ago about metal-insulator transitions, so the team thought I could contribute something new to the project. I've made a small bit of progress but I'm at a standstill now. They're depending on me, Penny. If I can't figure this out, they'll look for someone else who can help. This is my ticket to the Nobel Prize and if I fail, I'll never live it down."

Sheldon sighs. When he looks at Penny, into her lovely, warm eyes, she's gazing at him in a way he's never noticed before--not like she pities him or feels sorry for him, but like she's fascinated by what he's saying. That's... new. 

"Okay, I obviously don't know the answer to this, but talk it out with me. What do you think is holding you back from figuring this out?"

Sheldon thinks about it. "I've never said this out loud before, but maybe I'm just not smart enough. Maybe I don't know the answer, or how to get to the answer..." He wants to say more, but just revealing that much to Penny is more than he's even admitted to himself. 

"Come on, sweetie, we both know that's not true. Maybe you don't know the answer off the top of your head, but if anybody's going to figure it out, it's you. Have some faith, Sheldon. You've got this." Penny looks determined, like she has no doubt that Sheldon will succeed, and her faith in him is overwhelmingly touching. 

Although he still has no idea what to do about all of this, new ideas are forming in his head, things he hasn't attempted yet. Suddenly, there's a different direction to go in, and Sheldon can't wait to take it to the next level.

"Thank you, Penny. I appreciate your belief in what I am doing. I think within the next week or two, I will have found what I've been looking for."

"I know you will. You can call me any time to talk it out, but I think you can handle it from here."

Sheldon can't help but ask. "Why are you so sure that I am able to accomplish this?"

Penny doesn't hesitate to answer. "Because you're always there for me, and with your help, I've been able to do so much more than I thought was possible. You helped me quit the Cheesecake Factory, remember? And my goal of being a successful actress hasn't quite happened yet, but it's still a dream I have. We're dreamers, right? That's something Amy and Leonard have never quite understood."

Sheldon nods. "True. Sometimes they just don't get us."

It's true and Sheldon knows it. Leonard and Penny have been married for a while and they seem to have figured out the secret, but don't have much in common. On the other hand, he and   
Amy _do_ have much in common, but there's always been something missing. Something he can't describe or explain, but he knows it's there under the surface. Maybe, if he and Penny had met before Leonard discovered her unpacking in the apartment that day...

Well, that didn't happen, and everything is as it should be.

Or... maybe not.

"Penny, can I ask you something... personal?"

Penny looks slightly alarmed, and Sheldon almost instantly regrets asking this question. But he's curious and he can't help but ask.

"I guess so," Penny says, trying to keep her peppy smile while also looking a bit uncomfortable.

He hesitates for a moment before asking. Penny is avoiding his gaze.

"I offered you tea when you came in because you appear to have been crying at some point today. I realize it's important that you portray yourself as a happy and optimistic person, but I would like to inquire if there is something bothering you, and if I can help you as you've helped me."

Penny's grin wavers a bit. She looks torn; like she wants to tell him everything but can't decide if she wants to confide in him.

"Oh, I don't know, Sheldon... I'm not sure you want to hear about my special kind of woes today..."

"Of course I do, Penny, or else I wouldn't have asked," Sheldon says. 

Penny is quiet, but he knows her, and he can tell that she is going to trust him enough to tell him what's going on with her.

"Well, things with Leonard aren't great right now. We both work all the time, and when we are alone together, we fight a lot. Most of it is about stupid stuff, like who's going to do the laundry or who forgot to buy potatoes at the store, but... some of it is serious, too. Like about money and what to spend it on, oh, and the age old question of when I'm going to be ready for a baby. That's a fun one."

Sheldon has never been good at the whole comforting thing, so instead of saying anything, he instantly gets up to make the tea, anyway. Penny somehow expects this, and continues talking.

"I do love him, and we've been together for a long time, and sometimes I think he may be the love of my life... but sometimes I don't know anymore. It's hard. Do you think it's hard?"

"Do I think what is hard?" Sheldon asks as he makes the tea.

"Marriage. Being with one person forever, always compromising, always fighting..."

Sheldon sits down while the tea is brewing and says, "I don't think it's that hard, actually. Amy is easy to get along with most of the time. She knows I'm not quite the traditional husband, so   
she doesn't expect me to be. And I know there are certain things she needs, like attention and intimacy, so I try to give it to her as well as I can. It can be hard sometimes, but I think we've   
been managing it."

It looks as though this answer is more upsetting than anything else, so Sheldon continues.

"But as you know, I am different than Leonard. I am not as passionate as the two of you. I like to take things as they come instead of anticipating what will happen next. After much experimentation, I find that's what works best for our relationship."

Penny nods, and Sheldon gets up again to pour the tea. He hands it to her, along with a box of tissues. Penny blows her nose (Sheldon looks away), and gratefully drinks the tea.

"Thanks for listening, sweetie. I know there's nothing to solve about my marriage tonight. It's just hard sometimes." 

Sheldon does something out of character for himself--he grabs her hand and squeezes it. She looks at him gratefully, and he feels an odd sort of protective feeling for his old friend Penny.   
They share a moment of gratitude, and then the moment's over as Amy comes through the door just bursting with things to talk about. Penny quickly rubs her eyes and she and Amy go in the kitchen and giggle about something or other. Sheldon't not paying attention to their girl talk, because's he's thinking, and writing, and understanding his problem exponentially more than before Penny came over.

When Penny leaves, and after Sheldon has had a long session with his whiteboards, he finally gets in bed with Amy. She's waiting for him. 

"So, aren't you glad I asked Penny to come over?" Amy asks.

"Indeed I am," Sheldon replies. "She helped me more than I thought anyone could."

"I knew if anyone could help, it would be her."

Sheldon thinks about this for a moment. He wants to ask why, but he knows why. So he says it out loud, even though he's risking hurting Amy's delicate feelings.

"She's my muse," Sheldon says. It suddenly all makes sense. Penny has always been his muse. She's always been the one to inspire him when nothing else can. How is he just now coming to this conclusion?"

"Yes, she is," Amy says, nodding. "I was wondering when you were going to figure it out."

"That doesn't... bother you?" Sheldon tentatively asks.

"It used to. Actually it drove me crazy for a while. But I'm at peace with it now. Penny is my best friend, and she's your muse. It's actually kind of freeing for me, knowing that I don't have that   
responsibility to inspire you. So yeah... I'm fine with it."

Sheldon smiles at his wife, and gives her a gentle kiss. "Thank you. Good night."

"Good night, Sheldon. I'm glad you're not science-blocked anymore." 

Amy turns the light off, and they both drift off to sleep. 

Sheldon is not surprised when he dreams of Penny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously know nothing about physics, I took Sheldon's physics thing from this article: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/12/171208143033.htm  
> Hopefully it makes some kind of sense but if it doesn't, let's pretend it does.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Shorter than I usually like to go with multi-chapter, but I think just enough to stand out. Thanks for reading, and for the kudos, comments, and feedback. Rock on!

They go shopping together and Penny can't believe her eyes when Sheldon walks out in the black suit. He is surprisingly handsome underneath all those dumb t-shirts of his. For a brief moment, she is attracted to her boyfriend's best friend. She wonders where he's been the past couple of years, and that's when she realizes--he's been there the whole time. When Leonard was busy drooling all over himself when she first moved in and he came to introduce himself, Sheldon was there with his whiteboards, showing her the beautiful genius guy routine. He's been here... the whole time. Her heart beats rapidly and she gets cold chill bumps. But just as quickly as it began, it's over. They leave the store. They leave the moment behind.

Sheldon watches Penny on the stage. He's never seen her act before. She is... remarkable. Where has this talent been all these years? Why does she waste so much time talking about shoes and Kardashians and Kardashian shoes when she has all this ability to transform into someone else so fluidly and easily? During the play, he feels something that's been hidden inside him for many years. He thinks it's love. Like... romantic love. He wants to meet Penny behind the theater and kiss her. That feeling is completely foreign to him--he's a scientist, he's logical, he doesn't let emotions get in the way of reality. And then the play ends, and Penny is Penny again. She's one of his best friends that he can talk about anything with, not someone he imagines is the key to his future. Really, it's easier that way... right?

There are so many moments between them just like this. They fall in and out of love with each other repeatedly, and it fades just as soon as it begins. It's Disneyland, it's Soft Kitty, it's Vapo Rub when he's sick, it's a hug in the middle of a party, it's kicking a bully in the nuts. It's sneaking a peak and seeing a tattoo she's tried to hide. It's Penny Blossoms and love tests and constant back and forth bickering. It's all there in their subconscious, just waiting to be released and realized. Somewhere in the universe, or maybe a different universe, they are together. Not only are they together, but they're happy. Not with the wrong people. Not living in a crappy apartment in Pasadena. Not barely getting by in jobs that no longer satisfy them. They are living their best lives.

However, in this universe, things are the same as always. Their lives go on, they mostly consider themselves happy, but nothing ever changes.

Until it does.

*****

_Ten years after Sheldon and Amy's wedding_

It's late. The sky is dark; there was an amazing, colorful sunset a few hours before--Penny watched it while sitting on her porch, drinking a beer and watching the orange, red, and purple hues fade into the distance. Now, after cooking herself dinner and binge-watching a trashy reality show, she's reading a script her agent sent her. The movie is hideous and she's going to say no. Thankfully, she has the option of doing that these days. It wasn't so long ago that she had to take anything she could get.

Penny takes another gulp of beer and closes her eyes for a second. Tomorrow she has the day off, so she's planning a glorious morning of sleeping in and then taking herself out to breakfast--or lunch, depending on when she wakes up. Since her divorce, Penny gets to do whatever the hell she wants, whenever she wants to do it, and she can't say this doesn't please her immensely. Leonard was such a drag; she loved the guy but how were they supposed to sustain a relationship where _nothing_ ever happened? He never wanted to go anywhere or do anything, especially in the last couple of years. Their marriage ultimately ended when, after they tried over and over again to get pregnant, Penny finally decided that she didn't want kids anymore. Having a baby would just be a band-aid for their relationship, and that wasn't enough for her. Leonard disagreed. They fought about it for a while. There was one big fight, the fight to end all fights, and then it was blessedly over. Penny was-- _is_ \--free.

Penny happily quit her pharmaceutical job and moved to Los Angeles a few years ago. Time was running out to make it as an actress, so Penny knew it was now or never. Luck was on her side and she got the first gig she auditioned for, a very bad nighttime soap opera that at least paid the bills. After that, she took whatever she could get until the movie that changed her life--Shutter Speed. It was a huge surprise hit at the box office. Penny is now a household name, she's single, she's childless, and she couldn't be happier. 

There is one thing missing, though. 

Penny opens her eyes, gets up from her desk and throws the script in the trash. She takes her beer and her phone outside to the porch again. Her house in Los Angeles isn't the biggest by any stretch--she's not that big a star yet--but it suits her just fine. The hills and valleys and sunrises and sunsets give her a different kind of peace than she's known before. So satisfying. 

For so many years, she'd been afraid of leaving Leonard and being on her own. Why? It's not so scary. Sometimes she thinks she could be single forever if it meant everything was always this peaceful.

As she listens to the sounds of the neighborhood--dogs barking, rock music coming from a neighbor's house (the fact that she could live next to Steven Tyler—in one of his many pads, that is--was definitely a selling point when the realtor was showing her houses), cars driving up and down the hills—she glances at her phone and knows just who she wants to talk to. Feeling warm from the second (or is it third?) bottle of beer, she does it.

 _Hey moon pie. Can’t sleep. Thinkin about you. Do you miss me?_ It's slightly more flirtatious than she intended, but he'd get it. He always gets her.

A few minutes later, her phone buzzes. She looks at the text. _Don't call me Moonpie. As usual, can’t sleep either. I suppose I do sometimes experience moments where I ponder your  
existence. What are you doing currently?_

Penny smiles. _nothing now, was reading a terible script. where are u?_

Less than a minute later... _I'm at home in Malibu. I'm writing a novel about time travel and the usage of physics. It's quite captivating._

_im sure it is sweetie, can't wait to read it. want to meet somewhere?_

This time, several minutes pass before she gets a response.

_I suppose I can take a break. Where would you like to meet?_

Penny’s heart flutters as she texts back the location of an all-night coffee shop located between the two of them. This is finally going to be the night they meet up, after texting back and forth for what seems like years. She hasn’t seen Sheldon since the divorce. Sometimes, every now and then, her heart will literally physically ache when she realizes how long it’s been since she’s hung out with Sheldon. It mystifies her—of course they used to be great friends, but Penny never thought she’d miss him so damn much that it caused her an actual physical response. 

Weird. 

Obviously Penny knows that a coffee house isn’t exactly the usual hangout for Sheldon, but he agrees to meet her there without even protesting. She gets in her car—a new BMW, which was extravagant of her but after having a shitty second-hand car for most of her life, she couldn’t help herself—and winds through the empty hills in the darkness of night to the coffee shop.   
Thankfully there aren’t any cops on the road to see her going at top speed—Penny realizes she literally can’t wait to see Sheldon. She finally gets to the coffee shop and waits in her car—  
Sheldon’s Tesla isn’t in the parking lot yet. Taking a sip of water, she tries to calm her heart down. None of these physical reactions make sense to her. Sheldon’s always just been a friend. A good friend, but _just_ a friend nonetheless.

So why does she feel like this? Like she's out of control and speeding to a future she's not even sure she wants? It may not make sense, but she's determined to figure it out.

*****

Sheldon pulls up to the coffee shop and waits in his car for a moment. He doesn’t know what Penny is driving these days; ever since she got rid of the car where the check engine light was always on, it seems like she’s driving something new every time he sees her. Which is not often. The last time was on November 18th, 2025, approximately 2 and a half years ago--a few days after her divorce with Leonard was final. They’ve been texting, though. They text all the time. In fact, he’s frequently checking his phone in the middle of the day to see if she has sent him some stupid picture or meme or random factoid. For someone who is so busy with work and hobbies, he sure does have a lot of time to talk with his old friend Penny.

It's almost 4 AM and he has classes to teach and books to write tomorrow, but it doesn't matter. Something has drawn him here--or someone. As he reaches the big 5-0 in his life, Sheldon has realized what's important to him. Truly important, and not some kind of fantasy about the way he envisioned his older years while growing up in small town Texas. It's taken a while to get here, but he made it. He knows what's important. And Penny, he has come to realize, is a huge part of that.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Sheldon closes his eyes for a moment to steady himself before he goes inside. Of course he doesn't want to go to a disgusting diner full of degenerate 4AM coffee drinkers--it goes against nearly everything he believes in--but he'll do it for Penny.

When he opens his eyes, there's a cute little face looking at him through his window. He would almost be startled if Penny (and her cute little face) wasn't such a welcome sight for his sore eyes, as they say. 

Sheldon rolls down the window, and Penny leans in and kisses his cheek in greeting. "Hey stranger!"

"Hello, Penny. Would you mind terribly letting me exit my vehicle before you start kissing me?"

Penny laughs, and moves out of the way. When Sheldon has gotten out of the Tesla, she runs and fully embraces him. He enjoys it, and doesn't even pretend to not enjoy it--he even hugs   
her back.

"Fancy car," Penny says as they walk into the coffee shop. "Are you finally comfortable with driving now?"

"For the most part," Sheldon replies. "At least it's not a completely overwhelming experience anymore." 

"Well, I wouldn't mind driving so much if I had a Tesla, either." 

"Your BMW is quite aesthetically pleasing as well," Sheldon says. 

"Yeah, it is, isn't it? I love it so much," Penny says. 

They both order coffee, since it's already almost morning anyway. Sheldon hasn't done an all-nighter since he was up for the Nobel, and now that he's won it, there doesn't seem to be any   
sense in staying up late as much.

The two of them regard each other as they sit down and sip their coffee. Penny looks happy, Sheldon notes. A few years ago, that wasn't the case. Before the divorce, Penny was absolutely miserable whenever he'd see her. Afterwards, Sheldon spent equal time with the two of them, getting both sides of the story, trying to be there for both of them but finding himself leaning towards Penny's side more than Leonard's. He's glad Penny is at peace now; she deserves it. 

"So, tell me about what's going on. Is the divorce final yet?"

Sheldon nods. "As of last month."

Penny reaches her hand out and Sheldon realizes he's expected to give her a high-five, so he does the same, although it's a silly and unnecessary transfer of germs.

"Rock on," Penny says. "I mean, I know it's not a good thing, but now we're both in the divorce club."

"Yes, I suppose that's true," Sheldon says. He's not as enthusiastic as Penny is about this whole ordeal. It's still too fresh and painful.

"I haven't talked to Amy in so long," Penny said, shaking her head a little. "We had such a huge fight when you told me she was having an affair. I couldn't believe it! I'm so sorry, honey. It must have been hard."

It was indeed hard, and Sheldon is still somewhat troubled by the whole thing. He thought they were reasonably happy. Amy inquired about having kids a year or two into the marriage, and Sheldon was on board with it--was even excited about the prospect--but she still kept taking her birth control pills. Even as their intimate moments became more and more frequent (at least once a month at one point), Amy stopped expressing interest in having a child. And just slightly before their nine year anniversary, Sheldon found out from a series of texts that she'd been having an affair with her lab partner for almost the entire time they'd been married. What's strange is that although Sheldon was heartbroken, he was almost relieved, too. Amy was never the right woman for him--his mother told him that from the beginning. Yes, they were a good match academics-wise, but there was never any passion there. Sheldon was starting to think that maybe passion was what he'd been missing from his life. Maybe. How would he even know? He's pretty sure he's never truly experienced what "passion" is supposed to entail.

Sheldon watches Penny as she considers the menu. Although her features show some signs of aging, she has gotten more attractive with age, Sheldon thinks. Her lips are fuller--perhaps benefiting from a few discreet plastic surgeries, he thinks--her eyes are darker, her face is a little rounder, as is her body. Although Sheldon has always considered Penny to be traditionally good looking, he now understands the attraction that all his friends had for Penny when they all first met her. It's unusual; Sheldon hardly ever notices these things. But he is noticing Penny tonight. It's slightly unsettling, but... it's intriguing, too.

Penny orders a cappuccino and Sheldon opts for a bottle of water. If he orders coffee at this point in the day, he will be up for another 24 hours. Getting older is a bitch.

"It's not easy," Sheldon agrees. "I am going through a surprising period of mourning."

"Of course you are, sweetie. It's going to suck for a long time."

"It didn't seem to 'suck' for you. From what I've seen, you appeared to be happy from the moment you signed the papers." Sheldon doesn't mean to sound so bitter, but sometimes it just seeps in there anyway. He spent nearly 20 years with Amy only to have his faith in her and their relationship crushed like a bug on a windshield.

Penny looks a little shocked to hear him say this, and he wonders if perhaps he took it a bit too far. 

"Is that what it looked like from your perspective? Oh, honey, no. I was devastated for a long time. Yes, I'm happy now, and at the time I was relieved that it was over, but we were together a long time and I was somehow convinced Leonard was my soul mate. Can you believe that? We got together because we lived across the hall from each other. I wasn't even attracted to him or wanted to be with him for the longest time. Sometimes when I'm really mad about it, I feel like somehow he tricked me into falling in love with him. Like the whole thing was a sham. Do you ever think that?"

Sheldon nods. "Yes. All the time." He thinks about how he resisted Amy and her mission to make him into a real boyfriend over the years, and wonders why he gave into her charms. Yes, of course he loved her, but what was the point? If he and Amy and Leonard and Penny all ended up with the same fate, _what was even the point?_

"Right? Sometimes I feel like he took the best years of my life. I've had some therapy since then, though, and I know that's not true. The best years are still ahead of me, first of all. And we did have a lot of good times. Probably more good times than bad." Penny shrugs. Sheldon knows she's still hurting, no matter what she says. 

"But anyway. How's he been?"

"About the same as you," Sheldon replies. "He speaks as though he is over you and the marriage, but I know he misses you." 

Penny looks as though this answer satisfies her. She doesn't ask anything else about Leonard. Instead, they talk about the last movie she was in and how well it did, and they discuss his Nobel Prize that he received for his work on metal-insulator transitions. They talked about Bernadette and Howard and their kids--Penny baby-sat for them a few months ago and she still can't believe how mature Hattie is getting now that she's nearly a teenager. Raj and his new wife moved back to India a year ago and now she's pregnant, which of course Raj is over the moon about. 

They talk about everything, but eventually they get back to Leonard and Amy. It's inevitable, Sheldon supposes; their divorces are still fresh on their minds and it's nice to have someone who understands. 

"I have a confession to make," Penny says after her second cappuccino. "I Facebook stalked him last week. I saw that he has a new girlfriend. She's... a lot younger. And looks a little like me."

Sheldon nods. "I have met her. Leonard had a small dinner party a month ago. Her name is Felicia and she couldn't be more of an obnoxious woman."

Penny is delighted by this news. "Really? Tell me about her."

"Well, I didn't spend much time talking to her, as you can imagine. But from the conversation I did pick up, she has never heard of a VCR and she thinks Mr. Rogers is a diet drink."

"Gross. But predictable. Is she cute?"

"She's conventionally attractive, I suppose, but not in a very interesting way. I personally wouldn't give her a second glance if I were passing her by on the street."

"Well, that's true of most women, isn't it? You'll only turn around if it's Stan Lee or Leonard Nimoy."

"One of them has a restraining order for me and the other is no longer living, so I would definitely turn around for either one. But yes, in theory you are correct. Although I'd probably turn around for you."

Neither of them know what to do with this comment. Sheldon is shocked that he said it. Penny is stunned that the words came out of his mouth. But it's true. Maybe back in the days when she was still new to the group and Sheldon was still more interested in playing Halo marathons than spending time with a female, he didn't notice her outright beauty. But he's paying attention now, and even if he wanted to stop, he doesn't know how. It's kind of a problem.

Or maybe it isn't.

"That's sweet, Sheldon. Thank you. I would do the same for you, by the way. You are looking quite dashing lately."

Sheldon thanks her and he knows he's blushing, which is just embarrassing for someone as old as he is. He supposes his looks are maturing along with him--his hair is getting slightly gray,   
he's gained a bit of weight to his skinny frame, and he left the superhero t-shirts behind a while ago. Since he's been teaching more often, he upgraded to a more stylish wardrobe--with   
Penny's expert guidance, of course. Every year she takes him shopping and he mostly agrees with her choices, although she does let him have two vetoes.

The two of them regard each other. Someone needs to say something soon, probably.

"Hey, I have the best idea," Penny says, grinning, and Sheldon knows she's about to get him in trouble.

"Amy and Leonard live close together, right?"

"Yes, they do, in fact..."

"Let's go egg their cars before the sun comes up," Penny says, looking more mischievous than he's ever seen her.

"Come on, Penny, that's preposterous," Sheldon replies, pretending to be shocked that she's suggesting such a ridiculous thing.

"Is it? It's not. Come on, let's go to the grocery store, we only have like an hour and a half!"

"Aren't you tired? Don't you just want to go to bed?"

Penny laughs and says, "No! I just had two cups of coffee, sweetie! I will probably never sleep again."

Penny grabs her purse and Sheldon's hand in one swift move and he has no choice but to get up and follow her. They get in her car and drive to the nearest 7-11, where they buy two cartons of eggs--one for each house. Penny giggles and Sheldon follows her like a puppy to her car. This is all very immature and he certainly has better things to do, like sleep, for one thing, but   
Penny has a long history of convincing Sheldon to do things he wouldn't consider otherwise.

"Do you know where Amy lives?" Penny asks Sheldon. He nods and gives her directions to Amy's new townhouse, which is about 10 minutes from the 7-11. Penny continues to giggle as they drive, and Sheldon can't help but be amused by how ridiculous she is. 

They find Amy's house and Sheldon points out Amy's sensible Volkswagen Jetta in the driveway.

"Come on, Sheldon. You have to help! It'll be fun, you'll see!" Penny somehow convinces him to get out of the car, and he watches as she throws the first egg. It makes a satisfying sound as it   
hits the car, but Sheldon's still not sure this is a good idea. It might hurt the paint on the car and as much as he cares--

"Just one, Shelly. I know you'll like it," Penny says in a voice that piques Sheldon's interests somehow, even if she is using his hated nickname. He wants to impress her; he wants to make her happy. So although it goes against everything in his nature, Sheldon throws an egg at Amy's car. Penny laughs and claps, as though this is the greatest thing she's ever experienced. So he throws another, and another, and it feels good, and now it's getting serious because he's mad. He's so mad. Amy cheated on him and left him no option but to ask for a divorce, and he's angry about that. With every egg he throws, he feels a little tiny bit better about the situation. 

When he runs out of eggs, he reaches for the other carton, but Penny puts her hand on his shoulder.

"I know that felt good, but I think that's enough for now, don't you?" She whispers. Sheldon takes a deep breath and releases it--something his therapist taught him to do in stressful situations.

"Yes, I agree," he says. "Let's go to Leonard's now. I'll show you the way."

Penny scoffs. "Like I haven't already stalked his house? Please." They both get back in the car and Penny drives to Leonard's house. When a police car passes them, she parks in an alley for a few minutes just to be safe. Sheldon's heart is still pounding from the exhilaration of throwing eggs at Amy's vehicle.

They pull up to Leonard's house, and Penny gets out to throw the eggs at Leonard's Audi. She throws one, then two, then three, but while watching from the car, Sheldon can see her heart's not really in it. In fact, when he gets out to check on her, he sees that she's crying. The sun is starting to come up over the mountains, and in the haze of the light seeping into the darkness,   
Penny is so beautiful that it takes Sheldon's breath away. 

She continues to throw the eggs at the car, but Sheldon knows exactly how she feels. He walks slowly over to her and puts his arms around her shoulders. Penny slowly lets the rest of the carton of eggs fall on the street, while she falls into his arms. He takes her back to the car, and lets her cry while he holds her. 

It's not unexpected when Penny wipes her tears away and looks at Sheldon unexpectedly. He knows what she wants. He knows, because he wants it too. So although they both have experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows within minutes of each other, they still know what they want. 

Sheldon leans in and kisses Penny. Lightly at first, as though he's asking for permission. When she kisses him back, it feels like they've been missing out on something all along. The kissing continues, and it doesn't ever seem to stop. Her lips are so different from Amy's, and he is fascinated. It's so good. It's. So. Good.

When they finally stop kissing--which is not quickly, indeed--they pull away from each other. The sun is up now, and the light washes over the day. They know what's happening, and what they're going to do about it now. Everything has changed, and all at once. 

"Are we doing this?" Penny says.

"It appears so," Sheldon replies.

"Then do you want to come to my house?" 

"More than I want to go to the train store," Sheldon says, and Penny giggles. She grasps his hand for a moment, and he gratefully grasps it back.

*****

If Penny had been in a hurry to the coffee shop earlier in the night, she now wishes her car had hyper-speed to get back to the house. This is new, this is different, but somehow it feels more right than anything has before. It's almost like Sheldon just showed her his whiteboards for the first time, and this time, she's going to make the right decision. Pick the right guy. Go with the beautiful mind genius guy.

They are both quiet on the drive to her house. She notices that he keeps looking at her like he can't believe she's there. Penny enjoys this feeling, and can't wait to experience this different side of Sheldon. She says a quick thank you in her mind to Amy for teaching him about intimacy so that it's not such a new concept to him. For what Penny has in mind for the two of them, he's going to be using that knowledge now.

After what seems like hours of driving, Penny finally pulls in to her driveway. She gets out and Sheldon follows her, and predictably she fumbles with the keys before she finally manages to open the door. They don't even bother to turn on any lights before falling on Penny's leather couch. So much kissing. Sheldon is so very good at this kissing stuff. Somehow he knows exactly what she likes, and it's a huge-turn on. Part of her doesn't want to ruin the surprise so soon; part of her wants to wait until they go on a date or two to take this all the way. But hell, they've been friends for more than 20 years, they know everything about each other, why the hell should they have to wait?

Penny knows why, and although she would rather move back to Nebraska than stop kissing Sheldon at this moment, she does indeed stop. Although there are no lights on, the morning sun is streaming through the windows, illuminating Sheldon and his handsome, sexy face. He clearly is disappointed that she stopped the kissing.

She knows Sheldon wants to ask why the kissing suddenly stopped but he's too polite to inquire. 

"I just want to make it clear that if we continue doing... this, that it isn't some one night thing for me. I'm all in, sweetie. It's not a rebound or anything like that. I want you. And only you."

Penny knows she's putting it all out there, but Sheldon deserves to have all the facts. She's been falling in love with him in bits and pieces for many years, and now she wants it all. The highs and lows and everything in between.

"Penny. You know I don't do anything without considering it in every possible way first. I'm, as you say, 'all in', too. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever wanted to kiss in my lifetime. And, you know... more than kiss." Well, now he knows he's blushing.

Penny is grinning now. "Oh, yeah? Sounds like fun. I want to find out all about the 'more than kissing.' But for now... I don't know about you but I'm exhausted. The coffee must have worn off after all the egg throwing."

Sheldon nods. "Yes, although the kissing has reinvigorated me, I am quite tired as well."

Penny leans into him and their lips meet again. It's a soft kiss, one with more promise than Penny has known before. It's so good, and so sweet, and she feels like this is actually going to work. She may end up getting to spend he rest of her life with her best friend. 

"I have an extra toothbrush and toothpaste, still unwrapped, in the guest bathroom. I'll be waiting for you in the bedroom," she tells Sheldon.

Sheldon looks touched that she thought of his need to brush his teeth before bed. They go their separate ways and just a few minutes later, Sheldon shows up in her bedroom, teeth brushed, pants off. She enjoys watching him take his shirt off, so she takes her shirt off too. She almost laughs when Sheldon can't take his eyes off of her. 

"Come on. We'll have plenty of time for that later. Let's sleep now," Penny says. Sheldon nods, and gets into bed with her. And though she wants to save some for later, she guides Sheldon's   
hands to her naked chest, and he gratefully touches her for what seems like forever, until they both fall asleep, happy, grateful, and excited for the future.

When they wake up, things will change. The light will be different. But their minds won't change, and their love won't fade--not this time. It is what will be.


End file.
